i woke up this morning, did the whole breakfast thing, did the helping the girls with their clothes thing, did the packing of the lunches thing... dropped the littlest off at school thing... and came back home...
i soon realized after trying to get a few things done around here that i'm in a funk today... and it wasn't until i went for a ride to clear my thoughts that my thoughts became all too clear to me...
the tears began to stream... stinging my cheeks... as they are right now as i type...
i miss my sweet gram...
on august 12th, she passed away...
i haven't really talked about it... it's hard... as many of you know who've lost loved ones... things are different... you can't just call them up or stop by... time moves on... memories are there... we cling to them in hopes that they never fade away...
i have so many... church on sunday mornings... donut oven afterwards... spaghetti dinners... holiday traditions... talking... shopping... the best balush... making haystacks together... i'll forever be reminded of her in the springtime as i plant my flower baskets and as i make her stuffing on thanksgiving... i'll think of her when i see ribbon candy at christmas time {she bought it for me every year because i once mentioned to her that i thought it was pretty}...
visiting my grandpa now at their home is different... i'm ok as long as i'm in the kitchen... when i walk into the living room it just doesn't feel right because she's not there like she's always been...
and i worry about my grandpa because he's alone... the holidays are fast approaching and it's weighing on me... knowing that we'll be spending them together is reassuring... but i know as our first holidays without her come and go, it's going to be sad for all of us...
what i can't forget is that
she blessed me with many happy memories for 39 1/2 years and for that i'm so very thankful...
sometimes you think you're ok... just going day to day pushing things to the back of your mind... not dealing with them head on... sometimes it feels better to just let your words flow... not to hold them in... my subconscious reminded me of that today...
4 comments:
Little did I know when I talked to you this morning that this was weighing so heavy on your mind, what a beautiful and touching tribute to her, love you
So sorry you are feeling this way. If it is any help, I too still mourn the loss of my Grandmom which was seven years ago. Every now and then I think of her and tear up but then I remember that I will see her again someday and use the memories of the fun things we did together to get me through.
It sounds like she was a very very special lady and what a wonderful legacy she left for you as it will be your turn too to be a Grandma someday. :)
mom... you know that change has never been easy for me... and this is definitely a huge change... love you, too!
hi jill... thanks so much for the kind words... there have been so many little things that pop up or that i see that make me think of her and i'm so thankful for that... have a happy thanksgiving!
Post a Comment